Brokedown ox

I received in the mail an early Christmas gift I got for myself: a "My Ox is Broken!" t-shirt from TelevisionWithoutPity.com and Glarkware. I'm wearing it right now, in fact, and taking great pleasure in it. I don't usually wear message clothing—"witty" shirts that tell the world that I'm with stupid or claim that I'm "Hot Stuff!" in glitter (though I have a college sweatshirt, but who doesn't?). I have one t-shirt with a glittery American flag and the world Freedom emblazoned on the front, but I bought it out of desperation at the gym when I realized I'd forgotten to pack a shirt in my gym bag. And I always wear it inside out. I'm even generally opposed to bumper stickers, especially those that include the words "honor student" or that try to be clever with the put-downs. I just find it all to be cheesy, and have you ever tried to remove a bumper sticker from your car?

But I could not resist the pull of the broken ox shirt. In case you don't recognize the catchphrase, it's from last season's Amazing Race, where Colin failed miserably to steer an ox around a muddy field, to the point of breaking down and screaming (not unlike a six-year-old), "My ox is broken!" He was t-h-i-s close to throwing the reins on the ground and stomping his feet like a petulant kid. I imagined the poor ox just rolling his eyes, all "Why you hatin' on me, man? You wanna see broken, check out your prissy-ass girlfriend over there, scared to get a little mud on her feet. You wanna be with that kind of woman? I'm doin' you a favor! Bitch." I'm campaigning to make "My Ox is Broken!" the official slogan of Things Aren't Going My Way. No one's letting you change lanes on the highway? My ox is broken! Can't catch a break at work? My freakin' ox is broken! Walk in on your spouse with another man? My goddamn fucking ox is motherfucking broken! It's going to be big, this one!

In other news, Carlo singed his whiskers on a candle flame. No self-preservation instinct, that one.