Hell's Bell's

It's weird how things can change so quickly in life. Today, an ER doctor diagnosed me with Bell's palsy, a facial paralysis condition caused by damage to the facial nerve. About four days ago, I noticed that the front of my tongue felt ever-so-slightly numb--as if I'd burned it drinking something just a tiny bit too hot. But I couldn't remember doing that. Then there was the chronic ache that started in my neck and the back of my skull, then wrapped around to my left ear. On top of that was the weird sensitivity to sounds. Everything sounded just a tiny bit too loud in my left ear. Then this morning, I woke up to find that the left side of my face felt slack and the muscles were all stiff and difficult to move (except for when they were freaking out and twitching like heroin junkie in withdrawal).

Chris took me to the ER in the mid-afternoon, and pretty soon, I was hearing the words "Bell's palsy," "corticosteroids and anti-virals," and "partial paralysis." It's a little scary. Of course, there's no definitive cause of Bell's palsy, just as there's no sure-fire cure. And if you're like me, you will Google the hell out of Bell's palsy and freak yourself out by reading phrases like "80% cured within 3 months" next to phrases like "facial nerve repair" and "muscle transposition" for the other 20%. And there's a theory that it's something that runs in families, which makes the fact that my dad was diagnosed with the same thing less than 2 years ago less weird.

The things to be most worried about in the short term, apparently, is my left eye. Since the lid is suffering from partial paralysis, there's the possibility that my eye could get dried out and the cornea damaged. So I have a regimen of artificial tears to go along with the corticosteroids and the anti-virals. At night, I even have to tape the lid shut to make sure it doesn't dry out. One Web site even mentioned the possibility of an eye patch, which makes the whole deal more pirate-y. Which is good, I suppose, but any funny is effectively cancelled by the potential for drooling. Well, maybe drooling makes it funnier for everyone else.