You know what I love more than science geeks? Word geeks! These crazy cats are attempting to write a limerick for every word in the OED, minus, of course, abbreviations and obsolete words. Quel fun! Thanks for the link, Hannah! And welcome home!!

Ode to my vacuum

After nearly two years of wrestling with a sucky vacuum cleaner (or, more accurately, a non-sucky vacuum) that more redistributed dirt than, say, vacuumed it up, I nearly cried tears of joy today when, using our new machine, I noticed that dust motes and other random particles on the carpet quaked and trembled in the path of the oncoming beast. They were no match for the Dirt Devil Featherlite Bagless, though they begged for mercy and clutched the acrylic loops with their dusty, motey claws. Men, women, children, the elderly alike, were sucked into its greedy maw, and me? I cackled with glee and danced a victory jig.

And so I reveal my inner science geek...

Natureis fuckin' cool! And stinky. I love the fact that there are compounds called cadaverene and putrescine. Mmmm... And a six-foot central spadix that heats up, and stinks, and is rotting-flesh red??? There's a dirty joke in there somewhere. I just can't get close enough to find it.

Still life with melon

Haha! My boredom is alleviated by the presence of 1. a "personal" watermelon purchased yesterday at Trader Joe's (breed name is "Kandy"), 2. a cat that's always good for laughs, and 3. a digital camera.

I present:
1. Milk and melon, a still life (to show the actual tiny-ness of the watermelon)
2. Cat and melon, two very still lives
3. Cat kills melon (to show Vinny's "bravery" in the face of "danger")


Indeed, it is a personal watermelon. 

Unsure of what to make of the watermelon, Vinny approaches warily, ready to spring away should the melon prove dangerous. 

Finally, ascertaining that the melon poses no real threat, Vin works up the courage to swat the unsuspecting melon in the head, rendering it dead and safe to eat. 

Visualize...hell

Unlike Chris, I did my workout indoors today, more specifically, in a humid, hot, sweaty studio. Spinning is the new bane of my life. Our instructor--whom I've dubbed Bitch from Hell, though she's actually quite nice--kept having us visualize ourselves cycling in a tight pack through the Marin Headlands. Up the hills, down the hills. I've come to the conclusion that 1. spinning is the ultimate in no impact, effective cardio workouts and 2. cyclists are masochists. Oh, and I need shorts with a padded seat. Ouch.

Baseball and brains

Chris and I took a chance on the sold-out Giants vs. Dodgers game last night and snagged SRO tickets from a guy out front. Good game, too. Of course, we left during the 8th inning (after the Giants regained the lead in the bottom of the 7th), just before they went on to score about four more runs. The last time we had SRO tickets, we left during the 7th, and just as we were getting on the train outside the ballpark, we heard the crowd crescendo into a roar. Barry Bonds had hit one into McCovey Cove. The lesson, kids? Never leave PacBell Park in the middle of a game!! (Oh, 'scuse me, SBC Park. Doesn't have the same ring. Ha.)

I always feel kind of torn when SF plays L.A. It's the same feeling I get when Houston plays SF or L.A., a kind of lingering loyalty to my former homes. Of course, the San Francisco crowd gets all rabid and "BEAT L.A.!!" and shit, but a small part of me still roots for the Dodgers. Just very quietly. My first baseball game was a Dodgers game in 1992, I believe, and Orel Hershiser pitched a no-hitter. Not that I really understood the significance of it at the time. The only reason I remember is because the friend who took me was freaking out afterward.

Oh, and I was very excited to learn that people now hawk rubber chickens with the Giants logo. I find chickens inherently funny, so this was fantastic news for me. And don't you think the game would be more exciting if the infielders could hit the runner with the ball to tag him out? Don't you?

Enough about baseball.

I'm starting to feel like a housewife these days. Because Chris is up to his eyebrows in bar review and because he's supporting me financially while I look for work, I feel I can best contribute to this household by taking care of the housework and errands. Which is great, because I don't feel like a slacker, but I think my brain is liquefying and leaking out my ears. Seriously, I think I'm getting stupider by the day. And before you get your dander up, I'm not slagging housewives or stay-at-home moms. My mom stayed at home after my sister was born, and she's no dunce. It's just that I've been approaching this as a temporary situation, so I haven't made any effort to find a regular hobby that's intellectually stimulating. And I'm pretty sure wedding planning isn't helping. I'm just getting overwhelming urges to squeal and wear pink. Feel free to slap me if I do.

Will work for ego boost

This job search is starting to become a little disheartening. I send out multiple resumes and cover letters every day, each one tailored to the job description, I wait patiently by the phone, and...nothing. Not a single phone call. The only e-mail responses I've received are automated messages thanking me for my submission and letting me know they'll be in touch if they're interested. It seems they're not interested.

The frustrating part is that, based on the job descriptions, I know I could do at least half of them with my editing hand tied behind my back. And I also know that if I could just land an interview, I would nail it. I'm beginning to wonder if my career detour in New Haven is hurting me.

I'm trying to not take this all personally. It's difficult, though, knowing how good you are (and not in an egotistical way), but not being able to convey it well enough to entice someone to call.

And on an entirely different note...
Is this wedding planning business supposed to be fun? Chris and I had a long discussion (read: argument) over the weekend about what kind of wedding to have (or whether to even have one) and how much money is reasonable to spend. I'm still having a hard time processing the thought of spending $X on a single day. In fact, should anyone ask, I'd be embarassed to tell them our budget. But apparently my mom has long known how much it would cost. When I told her our initial thoughts on a budget, she laughed her ass off and told me not to be cheap. The amount she expects to contribute (we're splitting the cost three ways with both sets of parents) is nearly our entire initial budget! This would all be easier, of course, if I had income.

Sorry to be such a downer today.

Running on empty

I sat down 1/2 an hour ago to wrote an entry and came up with nothing. I started one story, but it didn't flow. Maybe it was only funny in my head. What do you do when your head feels empty?

On a different note:

cat + no traction = good times!

Things I actually miss about New Haven:

1. People--I never found it terribly hard to leave a particular place, but leaving people behind pretty much sucks. I feel like I was finally developing a core group when I left.
2. Having a washer/dryer, parking, a yard, and a huge apartment...for $900/month. Plus, the cat got to ogle the squirrels and birds frolicking outside our 1st floor windows. I think he's bored now. Cars whizzing by just don't seem so compelling.
3. Pizza. Seriously, the best pizza is from New Haven. I know some New Yorkers will get up in arms over this, but have you tried a pizza hot out of the 900 degree ovens at Frank Pepe's? Have you?! Yeah, I didn't think so.


Reasons I'm so goddamn glad I'm back in San Francisco:
1. I freakin' love this city. Love. Pure ardor. Passion. If I could marry it....
2. People--both my personal friends and people in general. People who believe in gay marriage and care enough to protest wars and have cross-dressing wig-themed parties in honor of Pride weekend and host ice cream anti-socials.
3. The lack of both winter and summer here. Chris and I considered staying in New York for a couple of years, but we realized that we'd hate the city for at least 6 months out of the year. That's a lot of time to hate where you are. And based on rigorous scientific study, I've determined that winter is entirely unnecessary. Good to visit, bad to live in. And to add insult to injury, we use the misleading Fahrenheit system. As one of Chris's classmates from Africa pointed out (the poor boy), seeing that it's 10 degrees on the thermometer gives you false hope that the outside world is not a frozen tundra waiting to burrow its icy fingers into your marrow...but then you remember that 32 degrees is freezing point and you immediately abandon your will to live. And don't get me started on wind chill.
4. Clean air. Public transportation. The Pacific ocean. Eucalyptus trees in Golden Gate Park. Good Chinese food. Burritos the size of a young infant. The relative lack of insects. In'n'Out burgers. I could go on...

And on a sidenote, in case the Buddhists are right, I'd like to come back as a pampered housecat. Vinny doesn't even need to justify his layabout lifestyle.

Who needs the Three Stooges...

when you can have the Two Morons? Chris and I just had a Larry, Curly, and Moe moment. He was teasing me about something and I was pretending to pout, at which point he came to give me a hug. As he got close, I sort of lightly double-fisted his crotch, not meaning to actually hit hard, but apparently I hit hard enough that he doubled over...and shouldered me right in the eye. So now imagine him clutching his crotch, me clutching my face, both of us groaning...and the cat just sitting back and eyeing us with contempt. Pfft...stupid humans.

*clears throat*

Is anyone out there? Is this microphone on? *skreeeeeee*

Oh, uh, sorry about that. I'm a little nervous. This is my first time in front of an audience. Granted, it's an audience of one, but still. So you're probably wondering what I'm doing up here. Yes, you sir, you're wondering. Well, Chris has been bugging me to start my own blog recently, because, he says, I often have amusing musings. Really, though, I think it's because he's tired of me standing over his shoulder, going "Oh! Tell them about the funny thing the cat did, you know, with the string and the litter, and hahahaaa!" Which really *was* funny and anecdote-worthy, it's just that Chris's blog is a bit more serious-minded, what with sport and law and politics.

So, here I am. What can you expect here? Probably random musings, cat stories, diatribes about how much it sucks to find an editorial job in the Bay Area (gr!), oh! and my confuzzlement over wedding planning. Seriously stumped on that last one. Speaking of which, yesterday, I e-mailed some girlfriends of mine who have had their weddings in California, asking for help. Man, nothing gets a quicker e-response than wedding talk! Seriously, I could've e-mailed asking them for bone marrow donations and not heard a peep for weeks. Nah, they're all good people and very good friends...I think it's just that they can enjoy helping me with my wedding since they're not paying for it or dealing with the inter-family politics that are inevitable with weddings. And maybe, just maybe, they're going to enjoy watching me suffer. I know I did.

And with that, we're off!